Archive for July, 2010

I am Just as “Samrt” as You

I am really bad at relationships.  I have the kind of relationships that make people stop and say, “my boyfriend may wet himself occasionally, but I am so lucky to have him:  it could be so much worse.”  I think one of my biggest problems with dating is that I am attracted to intelligence.  I do not like being smarter than my boyfriend.  I love a man who can rock the [insert standardized test here] while tutoring underprivileged children, working full time, and rescuing puppies.

I’m looking for a man who will save these puppies!

This would not normally be a problem, but I also have a tendency to become insecure when I am not as smart as my current beau. This really creates quite the lose-lose situation.  Read the rest of this entry »

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Man Shopping

Yesterday I was sitting in my car sobbing.  Not the quiet, oh-I-just-have-something-in-my-eyes kind of sobbing, but, rather, the both-my-parents-just-died-and-my-dog-ran-away kind of tears.  I was doing the hiccup thing and making all sorts of weird pitiful noises.  This was my reaction to going on a blind date.  It was not even a blind date; that would have been more respectable.  This was the result of Man Shopping.

After a really horrible break up, I received all sorts of advice.  It ranged from “you are better off without him” to “if you have to cry past 11:00 p.m. can you please go do so in your car because I need my beauty sleep.”  Somewhere in the middle was a “you need to move on.”

There are a lot of mathematical formulas that were born out of unrealistic television shows (i.e. Sex and the City) used to calculate how much time you get before you are permitted to “move on.”  This is important because you do not want to seem desperate and unable to be alone, but you also do not want to seem pitifully stuck in the past. The two formulas that were shared with me most frequently were:

  1. One half the time of the total relationship; and
  2. One month for every year spent together.

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