With two days behind me and only one more to go, I’m feeling pretty tired, grumpy, stressed and just plain burnt out! Today didn’t go so great. I still had six questions left when the proctor gave the five-minute warning during my afternoon MBE. I answered two of them the best I could and then just bubbled in “A” for the last four. I’m just hoping to win the multiple choice lottery here!
I keep thinking about how terrible it will be if I fail. And so embarrassing!! I think in general, I’ve been putting out a lot of negative vibes lately, so I have decided to put together a list of the positive things about the bar exam:
1. I got to spend a lot of time with my dog
I have a little Yorkie and she is really special to me. She’s getting old–she will be fifteen in August–and I know that she won’t be around forever. Because I took an online bar course, I worked almost entirely from home and so we got to spend a lot of time together. It was really nice and I am grateful to have been able to spend so many hours with her.
2. My house was really clean
Like most people I know, the only way I can procrastinate and not feel terrible about it is when I am doing something productive. Somehow I can rationalize taking an hour to clean the cracks between the couch cushions, but taking 30 minutes for some TV is a big no-no. Procrastinating is okay, but only if it’s for stuff that HAS to be done. Starting around mid-June, I found a lot of things that HAD to be done. My house is crazy clean right now and it’s nice. It feels like a grown up lives here.
3. My boyfriend was so great during all of this
A lot of people say that the bar exam is really hard on relationships. And I can certainly understand why that is. Studying for it is so stressful and time consuming and even the most rational and calm people are bound to snap. The bar exam has this ability to bring out the “crazy” that most of us keep hidden away. It’s just such a long and drawn out period of uncertainty and that anxiety and stress that you feel everyday just starts to compound and it really adds up after a while! And for me, I’m already a little crazy, so that is a big problem! I’m neurotic and worry and am very insecure. I certainly wouldn’t want to date me. But for some reason, my boyfriend seems to like me and despite what might have been my craziest of crazy, he still stuck around. And not only did he not take off running, he was just so awesome. He explained a lot of the areas of the law that I didn’t understand and he never once made me feel stupid while he did it–a pretty impressive feat! I think these two months really reminded me why he is such a great guy and I am a very lucky lady!
4. I lost a lot of weight!
Depending on how you deal with stress, the bar can be a great diet! I’m sure I will gain it all back in about five days, but I feel pretty good right now!!
5. The bar exam had the opposite effect on the girl who was a total Mean Girl in law school
“You can’t sit with us!”